Lately I realized I have been experiencing Imposter Syndrome. Then I realized that this is nothing new because I have been living with Imposter Syndrome for years now. If you wondering what the heck I’m talking out, here’s a little TLDR;
“Impostor Syndrome is a pervasive feeling of self-doubt, insecurity, or fraudulence despite often overwhelming evidence to the contrary.” (Scientific American)
I dabble in various art forms: painting, photography, styling, and drawing. While some have fallen off throughout the years, others have recently flourished. From an early age I drew consistently like clockwork, I never took lessons but I was always considered a great artist, but I never really believed that I was. I just thought I was a good artist because other people were validating me and telling me. For a few years now I haven’t really painted and there’s several factors for that:
I felt I was not growing as an artist
I doubted myself when others weren’t validating me
I wasn’t impressing myself with my artwork/living up to a standard
This is a reminder that the external care does not equate or replace internal care.
Recently, I had one of the most difficult weeks I had ever experienced. Filled with deadlines, skipping meals just to hustle forward, lack of sleep, unconscious jaw clenching, and isolation. The extent of my unwinding included a glass of wine and conversations with my boyfriend about how I felt I was whirling. It subsided my anxiety a bit but it didn’t dispel it.
Once the weekend came I found some spark of joy in a new eye shadow palette, treated myself to a fancy non dairy cappuccino, painted my nails because I had some social plans lined up. Because, as I said to myself, “I deserve it.”
There was also brushing off the stressful build up from the week and continuing to move forward. We like to believe that we can out of sight, out of mind. Then the thoughts may creep up of you might find yourself over analyzing a situation, anticipation an outcome, etc.
Here’s what I know: if you have a rough day it’s absolutely acceptable to nap and let your body + mind unwind. It may even be necessary to indulge in a warm night time shower to come out renew. There’s nothing wrong with warming up a bowl of oatmeal that’s sweetened with dried berries and cinnamon. Each spoonful enveloping you with it’s warmth, nourishing you with flavor, even at midnight when you finally have some peace to yourself.
I’m learning that I need to continuously come clean with myself. To confront myself and not hide away. I’m learning that it’s okay to pick up the pieces of yourself that hurt. This is how you develop strength. Release each breath, deep and cathartic as it may be. Allow yourself to feel because believe me your body longs to let everything out. This is how I revive myself through a difficult time.
To keep it real, I avoided subscription boxes for a few reasons. I questioned how sustainable they could be if there were items you didn’t necessarily need/want, let alone if they gave you an influx of sample products that collect up and typically are not recyclable. Another reason was the concept of things. I wanted to limit material items in my life to what I genuinely want + need.
For those of y’all that don’t know or are new to the blog, mental health + psychological + physical wellbeing are close to my heart and a passion of mine. It’s one of the reasons I work on this blog to empower others to be kind to themselves + the world. We so often hear about self care yet do we truly practice it? You can live in a tranquil area surrounded by the tallest of trees, wildflowers for days yet still feel the weight of stress atop your shoulders.
However, going back to the concept that there are boxes for everyone under the moon, I came across a subscription boxes that is centered around wellness + self-care. Caring Crate defines themselves as:
“a monthly subscription box service for those dealing with mental health issues, chronic illnesses – or anyone who needs a little extra self-care.” This is what drew me to the company, the fact that its rooted in being okay with addressing + assessing yourself regardless of your journey. Chronic illness, autoimmune disease, and mental health are topics we hear about but there are still stigmas surrounding them. However, I will always advocate that our stories matter, our journeys matter, & focusing on our health is not selfish – it’s might.