Lately I realized I have been experiencing Imposter Syndrome. Then I realized that this is nothing new because I have been living with Imposter Syndrome for years now. If you wondering what the heck I’m talking out, here’s a little TLDR;
“Impostor Syndrome is a pervasive feeling of self-doubt, insecurity, or fraudulence despite often overwhelming evidence to the contrary.” (Scientific American)
I dabble in various art forms: painting, photography, styling, and drawing. While some have fallen off throughout the years, others have recently flourished. From an early age I drew consistently like clockwork, I never took lessons but I was always considered a great artist, but I never really believed that I was. I just thought I was a good artist because other people were validating me and telling me. For a few years now I haven’t really painted and there’s several factors for that:
I felt I was not growing as an artist
I doubted myself when others weren’t validating me
I wasn’t impressing myself with my artwork/living up to a standard
This is a reminder that the external care does not equate or replace internal care.
Recently, I had one of the most difficult weeks I had ever experienced. Filled with deadlines, skipping meals just to hustle forward, lack of sleep, unconscious jaw clenching, and isolation. The extent of my unwinding included a glass of wine and conversations with my boyfriend about how I felt I was whirling. It subsided my anxiety a bit but it didn’t dispel it.
Once the weekend came I found some spark of joy in a new eye shadow palette, treated myself to a fancy non dairy cappuccino, painted my nails because I had some social plans lined up. Because, as I said to myself, “I deserve it.”
There was also brushing off the stressful build up from the week and continuing to move forward. We like to believe that we can out of sight, out of mind. Then the thoughts may creep up of you might find yourself over analyzing a situation, anticipation an outcome, etc.
February echoes all things love. However, I’m going to focus on self love with this guide. Sometimes our days (or weeks are filled with challenges and setbacks. Or we try overcompensate productivity to complete an idealized goal for the validation of feeling accomplished. This goes back to refilling our cup before we start to run on empty. We can’t neglect the most important part of our life: our self.
In my opinion self love is something we should integrate everyday. It doesn’t have to be extravagant nor should you feel like it must be a time consuming or romanticized vision that seems unattainable. The way someone cultivates self love may not be the same as mine or yours and that okay. So whether you decide to take a day in February to buy yourself some chocolates and wine, creating a gratitude list, or having a good cry to feel + release those emotions, remember that it truly does matter.
REAL TALK >> not all my days are ideal. Some days I ignore my alarm clock or wake up straight up grumpy. Some days I am so tired when I get home I cave in to napping and get completely wired at night. No one is perfect so I get to learn from those off days. I think about how I can improve my habits and adapt better patterns. It’s all about goal setting.
Today I’m sharing February’s dreams & goals. When you think of February I am sure most people’s mind lingers toward love, hearts scattered everywhere, and the beautiful shade of crimson red. personally I’m working on inviting a lot of self love and sharing the love this month. I’m looking forward to a chocolate exchange on Galentine’s day, surprising my boyfriend on Valentine’s Day weekend, but also for myself. I want hone in on self love and it’s usually one night I have to destress and recharge. celebrating myself and just giving myself that encouragement and kindness we all need.
I am one of those people who will always look at a new year as a clean state. Truthfully it channels the possibility of renewal, the path to forgiveness and growth.
In my possession is a new journal. One that is significantly for my hopes, dreams, to reconnect with my self + heart. One that channels my passion and creativity. The goal of this journal I to document my healing and let that growth evolve.
Inky blue with constellations etched throughout the cover. I think it’s fitting given how airy I can be. The purpose is also to ground because it’s my move to fill and reflect the pages with introspection and resolutions.